shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
