If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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