I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
