Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
