Someone shit on the floor
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
