I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
