I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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