i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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