im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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