all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
