i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
