According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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