i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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