that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
