I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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