I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
