it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
