If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
