absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
