so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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