I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
