Kiss
Puke
That's intense
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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