Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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