not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
