I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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