Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
