you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
