I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize