Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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