whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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