Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
