i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We left an ass print on the piano.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize