i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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