So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
