three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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