dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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