you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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