I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
