No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
