The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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