there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
