Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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