This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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