we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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