WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
