I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
