I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
