I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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