I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
