So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
