don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
