Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
