marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
