The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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