He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
