OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
