She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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