Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
