we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
