We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
