I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
