I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize