the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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