what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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