fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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