After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
