he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Porn is love you can see.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
