Fuck appropriateness.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
