So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Come on in and take your pants off
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