you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
