First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
