So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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