i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
