Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
