I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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