i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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