He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
