I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
