U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
