Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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