I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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