my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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