Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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