I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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