I CAN MOONWALK!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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