If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
