She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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