new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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