Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
